Just Human Expands to NYC, An Interview with Jennifer Martinez
By Marleigh Green
What makes a house a home? Is it photographs and memories, or is it furniture and meaningful personal items that hold a place in a family’s heart? For some families, it can be as simple as a set of towels, or enough beds for each member to have their own. According to the Good Home Report, 73% of people who are happy at home, are also happy in life. (1)
Families transitioning out of homelessness face many hurdles on the path to independence. Oftentimes when a family is placed in permanent housing after living in a shelter, they struggle to furnish their home or even attain the most basic needs, such as toiletries and dishes. This is where Just Human comes in; to provide vulnerable and less-fortunate families with essential items donated by community members to fill their homes with.
Jennifer Gonzalez, a former colleague of JH Co-Founder April Hinkle, has established her career around serving the most vulnerable populations of NYC. She works for Students in Temporary Housing, as a Community Coordinator, providing support to Bronx families in shelters with at least one school-aged child that has special needs. Jennifer has a passion for serving her community, and nominated a family who had lost their home in a fire for Just Human’s services. We sat down with Jennifer to talk about her experience working with this family, and why Just Human’s mission is so important to the community she serves.
How did you learn about JH?
I was a former co-worker of April, the founder of Just Human, and she shared what she was doing with the organization. We had the same thoughts about the difficulties families face when transitioning out of homelessness. I followed her through social media, and found out April was serving the same population I was working with.
You recently nominated a family for Just Human’s program. What is the family’s composition?
It’s a very unique situation. I’ve been working with the family since October, 2019. The school district I work within serves special needs students 18-21 years old. The sons in this family are both special needs and 18 & 19 years old, and they have been living in a shelter with their mother for the past 3 years. They just entered permanent housing a few weeks ago but had no furniture and no personal items. The mother was only able to enroll the 18 year old in the school because the 19 year old came to the U.S. from the Dominican Republic later than the rest of the family. The dad is involved with the family, but doesn’t live with them.
What did housing instability look like for this family?
They migrated from the Dominican Republic about 4 years ago but they lost their home in a fire a year later. The father is in the picture but doesn’t live with the family. They have spent the last three years in a family shelter.
What is your relation to the family?
I’ve been working with them through my job with the special needs school since October, 2019.
Why did you nominate this family for JH services?
The mother kept falling through loopholes in social services and things were very difficult for the family. The system kept failing them and not being able to meet their needs so they were constantly slipping through the cracks. This made them great candidates for JH services, because they didn’t have to meet social service requirements to qualify for help. They are also very deserving of a helping hand.
What do you think it means to this family to have, not only an apartment but belongings to call their own?
The mother has been extremely grateful for the help JH provided. You usually think about the big things, but you rarely think of the small things that make a house a home. Also depending on which shelter you’re in, many of them have restrictions on what you can have and put up in the facility. You’re not allowed to hang things up or have many personal items in a shelter, so it makes a huge difference to have a space of your own to call “home”.
You’ve had to get creative and advocate for basic necessities for the families you serve in the past. Why do you think there is a disconnect between what is considered “essential” for families transitioning out of homelessness and our own families?
The disconnect is that when families are displaced and go into shelters for any reason, it’s sort of like they have to go into survival mode and so, when we think of survival, we think of the basics: hygiene, a roof over their heads, a place to sleep, a bed and sheets, the basics. In Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, basic physiological needs include food, shelter, and rest, and these needs must be addressed before humans move to the next levels of fulfillment which include safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization. (2) When families are displaced they don’t think about it because they’re in survival mode. I’ve had to find donations of furniture because things are expensive in NY and it’s hard for families to make ends meet. Those things may not be in their home because they can’t focus on that right now. They’re in survival mode and making ends meet. Those are memories, those are self-care things. A lot of self-care comes from energy and things you have in the home. I’ll take donations from friends of things they’re getting rid of and give them to the families transitioning into permanent housing.
Can you tell us about a time when a family needed something and you had to get creative to get it for them? How did they respond?
I once worked with a family that was moving with 3 children, 1 adult and 2 young kids. For whatever reason mom had a really hard time getting furniture for the girls, so mom and the two girls had to share a queen-sized bed. It was really difficult to get a bed for her at that time, so I went online and researched something and there was an Ashley Furniture lottery form that you fill out a proposal for. They’ll donate a bed and bedding if you win, but it’s a lottery. It’s a long shot, but we decided to apply, and ended up winning the bed and bedding. Mom had a hard time connecting and trusting people initially. She migrated about 10 years ago but doesn’t have papers and she always got left behind by social services & lost in the system. She was very grateful and she did realize that she too can get help. She even cried and sent a thank-you note the next day, and ended up being more open with school staff because she had more trust in me. Initially, it was hard to connect with her but after the donation, she got more involved in the school.
Any other thoughts you would like to share?
I didn’t realize - it goes back to the disconnect of why certain things get lost because they’re not “essential” to survival. The family I nominated last week didn’t even have towels. They lost their home to a fire, and didn’t receive any help or resources through the Red Cross. Somehow the family got lost and didn’t receive any benefits at all so the system failed the mom repeatedly. It felt good to help someone who had been struggling with no help for so long.
April and Caitlin met Jennifer at the NJ storage unit to hand off what was supposed to be a “Welcome Home” kit. One box turned into three boxes filled with towels, bedding, silk flowers, vases, artwork, tapestry art, curtains, dishes, accent rugs, bath supplies, blankets, pillows, and picture frames. Imagine coming to a new country with your children, losing your first house to a fire, navigating the shelter system for three years with two children with special needs, and then finally getting an apartment of your own. Imagine looking at those empty walls and knowing that you are no longer in that shelter where there are rules about what you can hang and what personal items you can have. Because of these regulations, you likely don’t have a lot to call your own and, as a mother with two children, you likely prioritized your children’s needs over your own. Just Human is proud to welcome this family home with the warmth of community, picture frames to fill, and artwork to adorn their walls. We are committed to continuing this work and are proud to announce that we will be moving into a second storage space in the Bronx this month, thanks to Jennifer opening our eyes to the immense need.
WomenRising & Our First “YES”
February 12, 2020
I marked my decision to finally move forward with this long anticipated project launch by reaching out to a local service provider to explore a collaboration. I had put together a power point presentation on what I imagined it would all look like, anticipating that building a partnership with a service provider would be the biggest hurdle. I’ve had several experiences approaching organizations in the past and was often times met with many beauracratic hurdles that, although manageable in practice, just seemed to sort of take the magic out of everything. Sometimes authenticity and creativity can be burdened by paperwork and protocols. The reality is that this project is really reliant on a partnership with a reputable agency that serves families that meet our mission parameters - victims of intimate partner violence, families transitioning out of homelessness, and formerly homeless veterans. Without the families, the set ups wouldn’t happen and, without the set ups, I have no right to collect donations. Right?
With all this pressure, my inner doubt really started to creep up. To my surprise, the Development and Communications Coordinator for WomenRising, Devan Tierney, responded with openness and even excitement about the partnership! We were able to flush out some of the logistics while also keeping the process relatively fluid so that the individual clients needs could be honored as well. WomenRising was the first “yes” I got for this launch and everybody knows that being the first to do something takes courage and bravery and creative imagination so I commend them for taking that chance!!
The first client they wanted to refer was Faith (name changed for confidentiality). Faith, her husband, and her teenage son all moved into an apartment after struggling with homelessness. Her caseworker, Quinzella Paschal, described her as the most deserving person they could think of for the test run. We started to plan out the set up and Faith’s specific requests with the only real hesitation being that the caseworker had to meet me on site on a Saturday morning.
Of course, that Saturday ended up being a super cold one making it all that much more challenging to get moving and motivated. As a former case worker, I recognize how difficult it can be to extend yourself into the weekend after a full week of connecting and problem solving and, ultimately, giving yourself to others. Nonetheless, she met me at the family’s apartment and made introductions which was all that I requested but then she dove in and helped with the set up itself. This collaborative dynamic is exactly what Just Human is about! We’re not here to make introductions and pass the buck or to collect donations and dump them off in a box. The set up is the heart of the project. It serves as the ultimate bridge between those donating and those who are receiving. It is meant to connect us together in our shared humanity rather than serve as a platform for martyrdom.
Before parting ways, I asked Quinzella what her overall impression was of the experience. She said that she saw the family’s faces light up and noticed an authentic appreciation for the small transformation. She even said she would do it again..... on a Saturday!
Thank you to WomenRising for being more than a promise to serve on a website. Thank you for being open to partnering with me and for being courageous enough to be my first “yes” and for giving this project a try. But, most of all, thank you for being just human.
A Letter to a Hero
Written on MLK Day, January 22, 2020
Dear Mr. Stevenson,
I first met you while I was attending an undergraduate seminar at my university. You were there as a guest speaker and I had been invited to the meet and greet event afterwords which one of my professors had coordinated. I remember telling you about my new job and how I would be going into Rikers Island to facilitate groups for the men being detained. I was afraid about the new experience, afraid not of the men I would meet but of the vastness of the system I would be working against. Mostly, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be brave enough or strong enough or loud enough or just “enough”. Your book made me feel equally charged to push past my edges and to dive into an abyss, a world that was as foreign to me as another planet. When you signed my copy of Just Mercy, you wrote “stay hopeful” and that made me smile because, in my mind, I had that one down pat. It was in my nature - whatever that means - to be hopeful, to be optimistic, to see the bright side and the potential.
Turns out that the experience was transformative in many ways. I hadn’t truly understood how flawed the system really was until becoming a cog in its wheel. But I also haven’t truly understood how that same system could make me feel broken and defeated in the matter of weeks and how, having this new realization also made me feel guilty that so many have had and continue to have to endure it for a lifetime. I didn’t last long in there - only about seven months - before the injustice really overpowered me but not before your message was spread to every person that walked into my.....their.....classroom. We were not allowed to bring books inside unless they were pre approved, filtered through that very system that wouldn’t want your message to be heard but I had my personal copy on hand to read over lunch. And I found myself passing the book around for the students to read out loud to the class. We weren’t even through chapter 1 when one of them noticed your autograph and asked me if it was real. You had become an inspiration for us all, built up from your very real experiences and yet it was hard to believe you were more than an idea behind the book cover, a human being with a signature and a message. How silly does that feel now but inside, reality is warped and time is suspended in a way that you know is not in favor of these men.
I remember when they offered me a peanut butter sandwich - something trivial beyond the locked gates but something of great value and price inside. It felt meaningful that they had shared their peanut butter and their dominos and maybe even some of their vulnerability with me and so I took a leap of faith. I may or may not have left the book for one of them to read over the weekend. Turns out, there was a raid in the dorm where this book ended up and it was reported back to me that there had been a collective effort to protect this book during this raid because books often ended up torn and in the toilet bowls. I left the book behind again for those who valued its words enough to guard it against destruction. I never went back again. I have never considered myself to be a radical but I had been labeled as one by DOC for my efforts to bring hope into our work. My security clearance was revoked although nobody could really give me a concrete reason why.
In the years since I last walked out, I’ve continued working with the disenfranchised, the poor, and the forgotten members of my community. I’ve also become a mother. With each painful story I hear, I feel a tear in my heart that my son will grow up in this same world. Then, I remember your message to “Stay hopeful.”
When you met me and gave me that advice, I walked away thinking “I got this”. What I learned was that it’s easy to stay hopeful when you’re life is insured by a privilege you were born into but hope carries a much deeper notion when it becomes all you have to survive. You learn to guard it and sometimes we lose it in that process. I have been reminded that hope allows me to bring the world I want my son to grow up in - a world that values the humanity in each one of us - to reality.
Thank you for the reminder.
Your fellow change agent,
April Hinkle
Just Human’s FIRST SET UP!!!
January 31, 2020
Today was the first official set up under Just Human. I got the referral for a mom and two teenage daughters just two weeks ago when they moved into their new apartment with nothing more than two mattresses.
They had moved out of their home for various reasons, figuring that a shelter was a safer option than what they were having to endure. Unfortunately, dogs were not allowed in the family shelter so they had to give their little friend up until they found a place of their own. Fast forward two months and they got that place and their dog back.
I was accompanied by one volunteer, Rafiella, who was eager to help and had already made several donations in the weeks prior. I’ll admit that my expectations were a little low in regards to the impact this set up would have, knowing that our cars were packed more with decorative items than the bare essentials that this family still did not have. The whole experience really exceeded those expectations!
The mom’s caseworker met us there with a giant area rug which immediately felt super collaborative. We collectively hauled our bins of pretty things into the first floor apartment as neighborhood onlookers insistently offered help, noting that it would be free of charge, every few minutes. It was all quite comedic really. Rafiella was able to help me communicate to the mom since my Spanish is nothing to write home about in any language. We jointly decided that the family would leave for two hours while we set up so that they could be surprised with the end result. They gave us free reign to move anything around and to make any changes we felt were best. At first, seeing the bare mattresses sort of felt disheartening, like we were starting without the bare minimum of bed frames, but we channeled our urban outfitters aesthetic - platform beds and colorful tapestries - and set out on a transformation of the bedroom. The puppy stayed with us and was our audience, watching comfortably from the newly decked-out queens sized bed.
All in all, we were able to transform the bedroom and the eat in kitchen. A beautiful six-person dining table was donated just one week before. See photos for how decadent it turned out, overflowing with fresh flowers, donuts, and sparkly settings. The counter was also stocked with a basket of fresh fruit and decorative serving dishes.
This apartment had no living room but the family decided to turn the second, smaller bedroom into a living room. I had a GORGEOUS white linen sofa donated that we planned to pick up from Bayonne the next day but when I measured the door frame, it was about six inches too narrow. We later out the area rug and planned to tell the mom that the couch was a no go when she returned.
When we had finished up, the family came back and Rafiella greeted them with a “Welcome Home!” They looked through the rooms enthusiastically and seemed to really enjoy the results. The teenage daughter even asked us for a hug of gratitude. I explained the couch situation but assured them that we would still try the next day since my partner and some friends were going to help and tended to be much better at this stuff.
My friends met us in Bayonne the next day and hoisted that’s gorgeous sofa Into their medium sized SUV. We followed them with hazard lights for five miles, making sure it didn’t slip out the back of the car which was tethered by twine. Again, all very three-stoogesesque! Turns out that the sofa did fit once the door was removed from the frame. We also were able to bring a fairly large tv and Apple TV with us to complete the room.
So that’s the way our first set up went. I couldn’t have asked for anything better and I think Rafiella would agree that it was rewarding AF!
How to Give Back While Tackling a Big Move
The Pew Research Center found that one in five Americans have either relocated due to COVID or know somebody who did. I am one of them! The cross country move was talked about preCOVID as a possible change of pace but we decided on it during Quarantine. With both my fiance and I working full-time in social service and raising our toddler, we found the new normal really difficult. I know that we were not alone in this experience! I hate moving. I also know I am not alone in this.
It really is incredible how much you can pack into a small east-coast apartment. We filled the closets once we had our baby and found ourselves filling even more during the early days of COVID when we were worried about running out of essentials.
When you are moving long-distance, every beloved belonging costs more money so I found myself wanting to get down to the essentials. We did our research and collected moving quotes in the range of $2,500 - $6,500 which was way over our budget so we started selling larger items like our dining set, mirrors, coffee table, and couch. Thanks to DUMBO Moving, we got the move down to $2,100 so it was time to get packing. While packing, it can sometimes be difficult to figure out what to get rid of and what to take with you so here’s a look into how I approached the move.
FOOD: I was able to fill five tote bags with nonperishable foods that I had no idea what to do with. After posting on Instagram for ideas, I was directed toward the local community fridges. The UCCommunityFridge was super close to me so I dropped them off the next morning and felt like I wasn’t wasting precious food and spices. Find out if you have a Community Fridge near you. If not, try contacting your local shelters!
CLOTHING: Thanks to Kathy Morse who works sat NJ Reentry, I was made aware the women they work with who are returning home from incarceration often have very little clothing. She generously offered to collect any clothing donations so I bagged up the clothes and got my fiance to do the same. All the clothing was in great condition, just didn’t fit or had been sitting in the closet unused. If you’re looking to donate clothing, reach out to your local reentry or veteran programs or call the local domestic violence shelters.
BABY CLOTHES: My little guy got big pretty quickly. Victor and I also love buying new outfits for him with each new season so his closet was full. We’re moving to California so the seasons are not as drastic as they are on the East Coast. I had two friends who were expecting babies so I was able to pass the clothes, the diaper pail, and the mini crib to them. In the past, I have donated baby clothes to BNDL which is a platform helping parents circulate second-hand clothing. They are wonderful so I highly recommend donating extra baby clothing to them.
TOILETRIES: I found a ton of unopened toiletries in my linen closet. Feminine Hygiene products, loofahs, face sheet masks, exfoliating towels, lotions, and other things I must have bought in bulk. One of my favorite local accounts, @LocalityGiveBack, hosted a collection event just for these essentials and donated back to community programs.
FURNITURE: We listed some of our furniture on LetGo and Facebook Marketplace to see if we could earn a little extra cash for the move. Some of the pieces didn’t sell but were in great condition so we donated them to Just Human…..obviously! We were able to donate two shoe cabinets, one sofa, two oscillating fans, and a queen-size bed frame. Everything was cleaned and disassembled for easy collection
Barriers for a “Perfect” Set-Up
Written By: April Hinkle
You know the saying, “I have a million friends until it’s moving day”? Well, we’re one of those friends that shows up on moving day, too! But even though you can count on us, there is so much that can fall through, so many barriers that can present themselves in the hours before you get those keys. This weekend’s move was no exception to that because so much went wrong leading up to it. So much went right, too, but I think it’s important for us to be transparent about the roadblocks we encounter as Just Human grows.
We had about a month to prepare for this weekend which, in this world, is more than enough time. That being said, it was also the largest set up we have been called for to date; three bedrooms for two single moms. As soon as we posted a call for help, the donations came flooding in. I have been unwrapping Amazon packages literally every day of this month and all of it was for this family. We got everything from linens and pillows to a coffee maker and dish set. We even received plants and candles. Everything was feeling like a success when one prospective donor asked “what do you need for this move?” and we were able to answer that we had everything we needed.
We had volunteers lined up and vehicles ready. Caitlin and I even pre-packed one of her vehicles to hand off to a volunteer coming from Queens so that we could meet midway in the Bronx. The storage unit was as organized as it has ever been so we knew that we could load up the cars in about 30 minutes without any issues. We were feeling on top of the world, like we really had it together! Unfortunately, the day took a turn for the worst.
One of the moms who was moving into the apartment had a really awful week leading up to moving day. She was receiving threats of violence from her ex-partner and, when she reported this to the domestic violence shelter, she was discharged due to concerns of a security breach. She was moved to a family shelter, where she was losing sleep to keep roaches off of her sleeping baby. Sickening stories were shared about the negligence and abuse happening in this shelter that are all too common but also far too gruesome to share on a blog. Caitlin and I were hanging on, anxious to get to Saturday when things would be better and we would know this mom had a warm, safe place to sleep with her child. Unfortunately, a donor that was contributing a large, used furniture item ended up giving or selling their donation elsewhere the day. This was a minor hiccup in comparison to everything else but really threw a wrench in the plan, because I was already at a heightened state of urgency to get this mom into a safe home. To be honest, Caitlin and I organized the storage unit as a way to bring some order to this whole mess. The brainstorm seshion and glass of wine (plus pesto gnocchi al la my fiance) were the only thing getting me through this week.
Finally, w made it to Friday! Volunteers were on standby. Pizza was ordered for the moving crew. Caitlin was taking breakfast sandwich orders. A local florist was dropping off plants to liven up the home. The operation was running smoothly until one of our volunteers’ cars got a flat tire and then another text came in. The apartment hadn’t passed DHS inspection and so our mama couldn't get keys to her apartment until next week. She had already confirmed with her landlord about the planned move-in but the stove still had not been installed, so he changed his mind and pulled the plug just hours before midnight. I had to break the news to Caitlin while she was out at dinner with her family. At this point, we were stunned and so sad for these moms who deserved so much more than another disappointment. They deserve a home that feels safe, free of roaches and violence and overall bureaucratic barriers. They deserve a stove and that coffee maker and all of the plants they want. They deserve to finally soak in their own bathtub with candles and essential oils and wash a difficult day away but we know that this week is just one story in a whole book about how our systems fail families in need.
This is a reminder of why we are here, why we call on all of you to make this possible, and why we have to continuously stay on our feet, ready for whatever hurdles lie ahead because this is rarely a smooth process. We are so incredibly grateful for all of you who message us wishing us luck the day before, for those of you dropping donations off at the last minute, and for those of you who switch your schedule at the drop of a hat just to make what feels like the impossible, possible.
Mindfulness & Resilience
By Dr. Meghan Smart
Cultivating Resilience in the Children & Families We Serve
Our mission at Just Human is to build a community that collects, stores, and redistributes curated home goods donations to families transitioning out of homelessness and escaping domestic violence. Part of why our mission is so important to us is because it helps us support the families’ emotional wellbeing. Having a home, not just a place to live, helps our families rebuild their lives and move forward. According to Dr. Meghan Smart, a NY-based health and wellness coach, having a safe and comfortable home environment is an essential step in building resilience and moving beyond trauma. Read on for more of her thoughts on how executing our mission can help the children we serve thrive.
Nobody’s childhood is perfect, but some kids face a lot more adversity than others. In the 1990s the CDC and Kaiser Permanente launched the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Study. They studied over 17,000 kids in California, and linked a higher incidence of ACEs (abuse, neglect, trauma) to worse health outcomes. Interestingly the increased risk applies to both mental health conditions (depression, anxiety, addiction), and physical health outcomes (asthma, diabetes, heart disease).
Decades later we have a better understanding of the relationship between the bad things that can happen during childhood and long-term health outcomes. First, we know that the effects of these adverse experiences are cumulative and depend upon severity. Second, we understand a lot more about how the actual adverse experience influences human genes, and thus health outcomes. For example, toxic stress turns on genes that increase beta receptors in lung tissue, making it harder to breathe and easier to develop asthma. Interestingly, the genetic changes can result from events experienced directly by children and from events experienced in utero through a pregnant mother. Third, we know that cultivating resilience can help kids overcome adverse childhood experiences and achieve better health outcomes.
Resilience is the way that we bounce back from a bad experience. We may often think of certain people as “resilient” but it is important to recognize that resilience is not a personality trait, it is a skill that anyone can learn. One of the most effective ways that we can learn resilience is through mindfulness. Neuroscientist Richard Davidson found not only does mindfulness increase resilience, but the more you practice, the more resilient your brain becomes. Mindful people are better able to resist getting stuck in their own stories and more empowered to move forward in their lives. There are also big impacts on physical health. Studies have shown that higher perception of stress is linked with shorter telomeres- the protective caps on the end of our chromosomes associated with longevity- and that a mindfulness practice increases the activity of the enzyme telomerase, which regulates telomeres and promotes vitality. And again, these changes in genetic regulation apply both to the person who is practicing mindfulness, and the unborn baby whose mother is cultivating a practice.
Mindfulness can be practiced anywhere, but it is difficult to learn and practice consistently if you don’t have a safe space to do it. Just Human takes a family’s new safe space and turns it into more than that- a cozy, comfortable place that feels like home. This work is setting kids and families up for success in cultivating resilience, overcoming ACEs, and achieving better health outcomes. I am so grateful to Just Human for understanding that your home environment is the foundation to your health, and working to create amazing spaces for kids and families.
Dr. Meghan Smart is a NY-based health coach, pharmacist, yoga and meditation teacher. She offers 1-on-1 health coaching as well as group programming. Visit www.drmeghansmart.com for more information, or follow her on Instagram @drmeghansmart.
A Little Extra
2016
I spent this morning acting like a New Yorker while in New Jersey. I snuggled the cats in bed while I sipped on my DIY pumpkin spiced latte, tanned my freshly manicured feet (Let’s be honest, that is all that I am going to reveal this Winter anyway), and stumbled into the local Dry Cleaners in tattered sweatpants to pick up my favorite sweater. Ahhh, welcome home to my favorite sweater!
For anybody who knows me, I am a royal pain in the ass to shop with. Put me in any clothing store - even my favorite - and I will meander around for a good twenty minutes, touching things and contemplating what it is I actually NEED before I even dare to try something on. Like most people, I have my shopping comfort zones. Unlike most people, I am constantly trying to break that zone and wander into something daring and different to reflect my sparkly, chaotic, worldly soul. Or, at least that’s what I tell myself. I usually end up walking away with a single item. Yesterday, I shopped for three yours only to bring home a discounted pair of sparkly Kate Spade earrings which, as you probably guessed it, I paired with my tattered sweatpants this morning.
I remember the day that I purchased that sweater. I was living in California and had just gotten a call back saying that I was selected to become an Advocate for survivors of sexual assault. This meant that I would spend six hours every week supporting men and women in the hours immediately following a sexual assault. It felt so spot-on for me to be the one holding up, talking to, laughing with, and comforting a complete stranger in what could, arguably, be considered one of the most vulnerable moments in their life. My mom gave me her Nordstroms credit card and told me to go get something that fit the “business casual” attire guidelines for the agency. I knew I would be working the overnight shift in a cold building so I figured I would start by finding a sweater - something cozy and comforting. Naturally, I took my sister with me.
My sister is much more sure of herself when she is shopping. She is clear about her image and what she likes but she is a designer so she has an unfair advantage. With her help, I eventually found a long, crocheted, beige sweater. It’s one of those sweaters that doesn’t actually keep you warm because the holes are so big but you throw it over a tank top, call the look hippie-chic, and imagine yourself as a layering goddess. It’s one of those sweaters that does not count as a whole “top” and, really, it forces way more wardrobe planning time than a sweater should require. I twirled around in the poorly-lit dressing room falling in love with this stupid sweater before I even looked at the price tag. Worst. Mistake. Ever. My sister sat in the room with me and explained how important it is to get something you love even if it costs a little extra because you will probably love it for a little extra time and I eventually gave in and purchased it. The budget my mom had set for me was completely blown on this damn sweater.
Fast forward six years and I am across the country picking up that same sweater. I don’t pair it with Uggs and leggings like I used to but it has incorporated itself nicely into my Autumn layers. It reminds me that, when I don’t trust my gut, I should at least trust my sister. In some silly poetic way, it is also the perfect example of how the women in my life help shape me. There are so many little stories like this where a girlfriend of mine has taught me something small but impactful. My morning coffee and to-do list routine is owed to my friend, Lauren, who is one of those insanely productive morning people. My skin care regime is something my friend, Isabel, suggested briefly while using me as a test model for her makeup artist interview. Those Kate Spade earrings I purchased yesterday were actually me just copying my friend, Kristina, who somehow always looks like a million bucks even if she spent the whole night drinking rose. The list goes on and on.
Today, I am living in New Jersey and commute to New York where I am a Case Manager for men and women coming out of our correctional facilities and into their first apartment ever. My clients have a long history of mental health challenges, substance abuse habits, homelessness, and incarceration. They face gigantic hurdles every day and the job is often tiring. There are some days where a client relapses and other days where a client celebrates three years of sobriety. It is an honor to continue to be welcomed into the vulnerable (and often times lonely) corners of a person’s life. I wish that all of my clients had the level of support that I get from the powerful women in my life.